Walking in Gay Shoes

Blue Mountain Heart to Heart

2005-06-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

I was still drinking coffee at my church during the coffee and goodies hour after Sunday worship when I noticed that quite a few people were going into the Fellowship Hall. I stopped someone and asked if this was some committee meeting or something open to everyone. It was open to all, but they were just finishing up a video, so I had missed most of the presentation by a staff member from Blue Mountain Heart to Heart. But a few years earlier I had attended a Heart to Heart open house, and at one time the PFLAG group of which I was a member met at their small office before moving back to the church after a few months or so.

I talked to the Heart to Heart staffer as she was packing up and got her permission to use their printed info in my blog. And I still have more of their info to type.

If Walla Walla city and county have Heart to Heart, then other places may have a similar program even if called by a different name, and a reader of my blog might steer a person needing help to a place nearby. So I need to get to Heart to Heart to see if they have any brother or sister orgs and if so, get their contact info. In the meantime, here is some info from a flyer they had at my church.

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Blue Mountain Heart to Heart is a private, nonprofit organization that provides case management services to people living with HIV/AIDS and works to prevent transmission of the virus in our community.

Our History

In 1991, Heart to Heart was conceived by a task force of health care professionals, social service professionals, social service agencies, and concerned individuals who came together to respond to the earliest cases of HIV/AIDS diagnosed in the Walla Walla Valley. Today, Heart to Heart is a leader in HIV/AIDS education and prevention in the greater Walla Walla Valley area and much of southeastern Washington.

Fact: In the State of Washington, individuals between the ages of 14 and 25 make up 21 percent of newly reported HIV infections. Teen pregnancies in Walla Walla and Columbia counties are higher than the state average, indicating that many of our youth are engaging in high-risk behavior. Yet many young people believe they are not at risk for contracting HIV!

Fact: As a group, minority women of childbearing age have the fastest-growing rate of infection. Our population of permanent and semi-permanent agricultural workers is growing in relation to the burgeoning wine industry. Our bilingual, bicultural programs are critical in crossing the cultural barriers that impede prevention education.

Fact: A cure for HIV is a long way off.

A Typed Stew

2005-05-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

For this blog I'm going to give you two short, mostly unrelated bits. You may want to call it a typed stew: a bite of carrot and next a bit of onion.

I'm hoping that you might enjoy this prayer even if you are not religious. This is the Lord's Prayer from the New Zealand Book of Common Prayer:

Eternal Spirit, Earth-Maker, Pain-Bearer, Life-Giver, source of all that is and that shall be, Father and Mother of us all, loving God, in whom is heaven:

The hallowing of your name echoes through the universe! The way of your justice be followed by the peoples of the earth! Your heavenly will be done by all created beings! Your commonwealth of peace and freedom sustain our hope and come on earth.

With the bread we need for today, feed us. In the hurts we absorb from one another, forgive us. In times of temptation and test, spare us. From the grip of all that is evil, free us.

For you reign in the glory of the power that is love, now and forever.

Amen.

The above was printed in the church bulletin and read in unison by the congregation on Pentecost Sunday of this year at the First Congregational church of Walla Walla, Washington.

I think that I mentioned, awhile back at the beginning of my blog, a book about women who married men, but later found that something was not quite correct, and eventually discovered that they were much happier when they found lesbian partners. That the opposite--straight spouses finding out their spouses aren't heterosexual--would also happen never came to my mind. I suppose that's part of the problem of being straight and trying to understand people with a same-sex orientation. I bring this up now because I picked up an eleven-page publication that probably came out of the kiosk at my church. It is called News & Notes of the Straight Spouse Network or SSN for short. The one I have is the Fall 2004 issue.

Is This Discrimination or What?

2005-04-15T22:16:00.000-07:00

The following came to me by snail mail from the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. The text is under the picture of a bride and groom, obviously just married.
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Congratulations on your marriage! To honor this special occasion the U.S. government is happy to present to you:

1. Access to social security after a spouse's death.
2. Access to health insurance through a spouse's workplace.
3. The right to custody of children after divorce.
4. Visitation rights for nonbiological children.
5. Joint parenting rights such as access to children's school records.
6. Bereavement leave after the death of a spouse.
7. Burial determination after the death of a spouse.
8. Domestic violence intervention.
9. Sick leave to care for a spouse or nonbiological child.
10. Legal validation of a long-term relationship.
11. Ability to live in neighborhoods deemed "families only."
12. Access to life insurance in a spouse’s workplace.
13. Access to survivor benefits in case of emergency.
14. Access to spouse’s benefits in case of emergency.
15. Ability to file wrongful death claims.
16. Right to shared property, child support and alimony after divorce.
17. Ability to file joint home and auto insurance policies.
18. Joint rental leases with automatic renewal rights if spouse dies or leaves.
19. Automatic inheritance of retirement savings tax free after spouse's death.
20. Automatic exemption of property tax increases on shared assets gained after spouse’s death.
21. Ability to file joint tax returns.
22. Access to tax breaks for married couples.
23. Veterans' discounts based on spouse's armed forces status.
24. Assumption of spouse's pension after death.
25. Ability to file joint bankruptcy.
26. Ability to collect unemployment benefits after leaving a job to relocate because of spouse's job move.
27. Ability to transfer property from one spouse to another without transfer tax consequences.
28. Access to fostering children.
29. Automatic next of kin status for emergency medical decisions and hospital visitation status.
30. Immigration and residency priority for spouses from other countries.
31. Ability to invoke spousal privilege in a court of law.
32. Access to reduced-rate memberships at health clubs, social clubs, and other organizations.
33. Prison visitation rights.

All of the above are reserved for unions that consist of one man and one woman.

What do same-sex couples get? Nothing.
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Numbering was my own idea, not the Task Force's.

I am sure the Task Force would gladly accept any donations you would like to make.

Heteros Down, Gays & Lesbians Up

2005-03-20T13:23:00.000-08:00

Neither the gay nor the straight scientists could figure out why it happened. People ask me to give them at least a clue, but I don't have a clue either. So the following is as good as I can do.

From a galaxy far, far away, a huge boulder broke off and came spinning toward the earth. Lucky for us it did not strike any populated areas, but it did hit the north pole and that made everything topsy-turvy, including the population's attitude toward sexual orientations. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and so forth were now at the top of the heap and the heterosexuals, who became known as the HH (for "hated heteros"), were at the bottom and many of them were digging themselves even deeper!

After a long while a kindly lesbian said, "Do you not remember that many same-sex oriented people used to hide in the closet? So many of us tried hiding who we were. Does that sound like a great, simple solution to you? It is not! Just one time I played in a closet and knocked down some of my dad’s white work shirts that my mother had just washed, ironed, and hung up in there. I got spanked with a long-handled wooden spoon. But my mother still loved me and I still loved her. There was no long-term loss for either of us.

"On the other hand, if you are an HH person in the closet, one--just one--mistake might haunt you the rest of your life. The only place you can relax your guard is when you are at home alone with your partner. And even there if your partner says or has done something wonderful for you and you feel like kissing your partner's lips off , maybe you should get up and close the curtains so your neighbor walking his dog past your place won't catch a glimpse of you in action because he might out you. How would that go over with your boss at work? How about your co-workers? Friends?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I was hoping to get you into a fantasy of your own about what it would be like to suddenly have the opposite of your true sexual orientation. Do you think the lesbian was truly kind or do you think she was after revenge?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have a new-- to me--book: Silent Lives: How High a Price? by Sara L. Boesser, published by Hamilton Books, an imprint of University Press of America, Inc. It's written to facilitate personal reflections and group discussions about sexual orientation.

You should buy or borrow and read this book. My wife says she got my copy through Amazon.com.

Grandpa Vernon & the New House

2005-03-19T14:08:00.000-08:00

Our new house was really a wonder. No more big chunks of coal. Coal was delivered in small pieces that slid down a slide into the coal room in the basement. All we had to do was shovel some of the coal into a container, walk a couple of steps, then empty the container into a hopper that had a screw auger to move the coal into the firebox of the furnace. How long the auger ran depended on how we had the thermostats set upstairs in the house. Wonder of wonders.

When it came time to move everything out of the rental house, perhaps on a Sunday, almost all stores and businesses were closed, probably because of "blue laws." There were lots of friends and relatives on hand to help. Uncle Doc [Fred Vernon] borrowed an open-sided, flat-bottomed dolly from the Union Pacific freight house where he was employed. A tall chest of drawers could be lifted onto that dolly, then it could be wheeled up to the new house with a man on each side to keep it balanced. The grunt work came in getting it up the front sidewalk, onto the porch, then through the door and into the house. The ladies would tell them where to put it, and if that didn't suit they'd tell them to move it to another place or two. Finally we got to spend our first night in the wonderful new house. My sister and I each had a bedroom of our own!

Do you remember that I wrote that Pearl Harbor would bring a lot of changes? Those came into play then. Thanks to the war, there were good jobs available in Walla Walla. My cousin Ella Faye came back. Her brother Lester Gusey was soon in the army. My Aunt Leona was left alone when Uncle Harold went into the Coast Guard, so she and Ella Faye took over my bedroom. I was moved down into the basement, but it was worth it to have Ella Faye back.

Uncle Doc met a woman named Clara. He married her and adopted her little girl, Lurraie. That would have been no trouble, but it meant that the house Uncle Doc and Grandpa Vernon had been living in was now too small. Where did they put Grandpa? In our new house. And where did they put him in our new house? I bet you can guess where and get it right. Yup, you got it: down in the basement with me. There wasn't any other place to put him.

Now that would have been all right, but he was an "early to bed, early to rise" kind of man who had spent most of his life working on various farms as a hired hand, especially during harvest time. He might have started working as early as 12 or 13. And he complained his father stole all his wages. I was glad that I never had to meet my Great-Grandpa Vernon. What I didn't know was that most fathers collected their children's wages back then. Grandpa's full name was John Wesley Vernon, though the "John Wesley" part was a misnomer: while the historical John Wesley founded the Methodist church, my grandpa used to say, "All churches want is your money!"

Anyway, Grandpa Vernon wanted to go to bed right after the evening radio news. He'd say the same thing every night: "Well! It's time for all good people to be in bed and the thieves on the way." Then he would invariably ask, "Is your dad home yet?" The answer was usually no, but none of us still up would answer him. We'd just say, "Good night, Grandpa." I think Ella Faye would call him "Gramps," though he wasn't her grandpa. I would be a little angry at the very idea of mentioning thieves and my dad almost in the same breath!

The old man had gotten up at what to me was the crack of dawn most of his life, and he continued to do so. At first he got up quietly and lit a cigar. I didn't like being around cigarette smoke, let alone cigar smoke, so I told on him to my mother. She had a talk with her father.

After that the old man got up just as early, opened the basement window--which made a lot of rattling noise, in my opinion enough to wake the dead--sat on a chair under the window, and fired up his cigar. That went on for a couple of days, but not all of the smoke went out the window and the noise was the same. Saturday and Sunday when I did not need to get up early to get ready for school were the worst. So I again complained to my mother and she forbade Grandpa to smoke anywhere in the house. He then smoked on the front porch. During winter he would go out to the garage and smoke in there.

As I got older the old man and I grew closer. I do remember thinking that I ought to teach him how to read, but he wouldn't have anything to do with any snot-nosed kid teaching him anything. I think he helped me learn to count money to see if a clerk gave me the right change.

One time I got home from somewhere to find that the only one home was Grandpa, but that didn't bother me because I'd got money from my folks earlier so that I could pay for a movie ticket and I had enough for bus fare too. I got ready, doing what I thought Mother would want me to do before I went downtown. I got to the front door, then explained to the old man that I was going to take the bus downtown and go see a movie. "No, you ain't," said he.

Now I was getting hot under the collar. This time I was defiant: "Yes, I am, and you can't stop me." I got the door open and then the old man said, "The reason you ain't gonna take the bus downtown is that the bus is gonna take you."

You know, I don't think I realized until now that I do the same thing the old man did all the time. I take a word someone said literally and change it into what I consider a joke. I must be more of a chip off the old man's block than I thought.

Moving Out

2005-03-01T01:29:00.000-08:00

Paying rent is like pouring money down a rat hole. I don’t know whether my parents figured that out on their own, or if someone convinced them of that.

I think I know that Aunt Bea's husband might have been into real estate. And I also think that when they moved out of Walla Walla over to the coast, Forey went into real estate and made quite a bit of money over there.

I found it very interesting that my folks were having a brand new house built right next to Aunt Maud and Uncle Shorty’s house. My uncle’s real name was John Everett, but I never heard anybody call him John. Like most of my uncles he worked for the Union Pacific Railroad. I was fascinated by the huge work horse the man digging the full basement used for the digging. Another uncle was a farmer and had riding horses. Uncle Gene Stiller was married to my mother’s sister Eva. I had thought that the riding horses were big.

It seemed that the house was both slow and fast in coming into shape. There were concrete retaining walls in the front and on two sides and then they were pouring the concrete for the basement floor. When the contractor said that it could be walked on, my mother wanted to see the basement, so she walked to the new house by herself and started down the ladder. The stairway was yet to be built. She must have been most of the way down before she fell because when she was found down there she was bruised and had a black eye and a cracked shoulder bone.

One of my dad's friends teased him by saying, "Well, Bud, you finally proved to your wife that you're the head of the household!" My dad didn't like his first name, which was Clarence, so he went by the nickname Bud. He wrote checks to pay bills as C. V. Marshall. For quite a while my folks were known as Bud and Toots. There was a second Ada in their card-playing group, so my mother went by her childhood nickname.

Finally the new house was ready for us to move in.

Medical Hat, Briefly

2005-02-28T01:30:00.000-08:00

This time, I would like to present a teaser to get you to go to a site that kept me from getting started on this blog earlier. The site has an article that says animal studies show that the placenta is not a barrier to alcohol. The mother and the fetus test the same for blood alcohol content. A related article says that 10 percent of pregnant women drink alcohol.

If you have or have had any interest in things medical you might like to sign up to get their email like I do. But while you are there take a good look at other kinds of articles. You may find some that interest you more than the medical. Try the site for a couple of weeks or a month. They say that it is easy to get to get them to stop sending their stuff if you change your mind. The web site is www.jointogether.org.

Oh, if you know any pregnant women, or even some women who are about to get married, you might tell them about this too.

A Young Boy's Take on World War II

2005-02-17T17:31:00.000-08:00

I think I was a second grader, but I wouldn't want to bet even a penny that I'm correct about that. I also think that we second graders learned the Pledge of Allegiance as "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, indivisible, with freedom and justice for all." Toward the end we held out our right hands toward the flag.

Anyway on a sunny Sunday afternoon I was outside trying to ride a tricycle like it was a scooter. It wasn't much fun. Any time I went inside to get a drink of water I was not allowed to say anything because the rest of the family was listening to the radio. I learned later that they were listening to reports about the Japanese sneak bombing of Pearl Harbor. It was called a sneak bombing because they didn’t declare war first and then start the military action.

We then declared war against both Germany and Japan. And oh, how many changes there would be for everyone in the United States. One of the first changes was that we no longer raised our right hands toward the flag when saying the pledge. Evidently that was too close to the German "Heil Hitler" salute.

Acknowledge All in the Family

2005-02-02T15:37:00.000-08:00

I believe that I have read about a somewhat similar occurrence in one or more of my books, but the one I am about to type in was written by a member of my church and is therefore more personal for me. I called her today and received her permission to post this on my blog. Gina Massoni, the author, read this to our church, The First Congregational Church of Walla Walla, during announcements on February 8, 2004. She did not need a title. So the title is one that I made up for blog purposes. From here on imagine that Gina is reading to you.

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I want to tell you a story about why it's so important to me that our church live out our "open and affirming" decision.

My aunt--my mother's sister--has been together with her partner, a woman, for at least the last 15 years. Her partner is as much a part of our family as my dad and my other aunt, who married my mom's brother. She has a calming influence when Herndon tempers flare; she is able to suggest that the rest of us look at the bigger picture and not take things so personally.

She has tremendous teaching skills that sustained her in her employment as a child protective services worker, and now as a teacher to at-risk and challenged youth. My grandfather even included her when he created our family corporation--the true bottom line for him.

But when we attended my grandfather’s funeral, something happened in a church setting that I don’t ever want to see repeated. The minister was giving an introduction and biography of my grandfather. He named my grandmother as the loving wife, my uncle as the eldest son along with his wife, my mother as the eldest daughter, and my aunt. Period. There was no mention of my aunt’s partner, her family.

I don’t know if this was a choice by the minister to omit her name or if my grandmother simply did not feel safe enough in her church setting to tell him my aunt’s partner’s name. She has been part of that church for more than 40 years. It seems incredibly sad to me that her church, for as well as they know her, is not able to recognize my beloved aunt as part of my family.

So I say to you, no matter how scary it seems and no matter how much it may be different from what other churches and our society in general are doing, we cannot allow our church to be closed to the reality of who people’s families are, thereby shutting them out from our love and recognition, especially when they are grieving. We must publicly state that this community is open and will affirm the truth of all partnerships formed out of love and respect.

Court Rules Lesbian Couple May Keep Child

2005-01-30T13:26:00.000-08:00

I believe that most people enjoy children and want them to have the best that life offers, including a loving and nurturing family life as they grow up. My book research indicates that same-sex couples, gay or lesbian, can provide such good family life and that their children grow up with the sexual orientation that they were born with, not the orientation of the adoptive parents.

The following article comes from Lambda Legal, a group dedicated to fighting for the legal rights of sexual minorities. I found it through the site for PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), a group I belong to. Three cheers for PFLAG and especially Lambda Legal! And the judges who ruled correctly!

Lambda Legal Says Illinois Supreme Court Ruling Today Reinforces that Children's Needs, not Parents' Sexual Orientation, Dictate Parenting Decisions Statewide
Supreme Court overturns lower-court ruling that said a foster child should be placed with grandparents indicated for abuse instead of staying in loving home with lesbian foster mother

(Chicago, January 21, 2005) -- Lambda Legal issued the following statement on the Illinois State Supreme Court's unanimous ruling today that reinforces that the best interests of children, not sexual orientation, control foster placement, adoption and all parenting decisions in Illinois.

Today's ruling overturns a lower-court decision that ordered a foster child (known as "Austin W." in court documents) removed from the home of his lesbian foster mother and her partner, instead placing the child in the guardianship of grandparents who had been indicated [sic] for abuse against him. The lower-court decision had been appealed by the foster mother and the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS). Lambda Legal authored a friend-of-the-court brief in support of the foster mother and DCFS. The state Supreme Court today restored DCFS as the child's legal guardian to resume its previously approved plan to allow adoption by the foster mother, Rosemary Fontaine.

The statement issued by Lambda Legal today is from Patricia Logue, Senior Counsel for Lambda Legal in its Midwest Regional Office, who authored the friend-of-the-court brief in support of the foster mother and DCFS:

"Today's ruling puts the child's best interests first, overturning a lower-court decision that made the disturbing choice of preferring a home where the boy had been seriously injured over a loving home headed by two lesbians. The Supreme Court said that 'serious errors' were made when the abuse this child suffered was discounted by caseworkers and the lower court.

"It's clear today that the Illinois Supreme Court understands that lesbian and gay parents can provide children with the love, support and guidance they need. Two decades of social science evidence shows that lesbian and gay people make excellent parents, and the state Supreme Court today did not even suggest that Rosemary's sexual orientation should keep this 5-year-old boy from the nurturing environment she's given him for nearly his entire life.

"Sexual orientation is not a relevant issue in choosing foster parents or in allowing good foster parents to permanently adopt children. All that needs to be determined is whether the child will be in a loving and nurturing environment -- an environment that Austin W. has found with Rosemary and her partner."

Lambda Legal fought for three years to make sure that Austin W. now 5 years old, was not taken during the appeals process from the safe and loving home he has enjoyed since he was an infant recovering from skull and leg fractures. Lambda Legal arranged representation for Rosemary Fontaine from Michael Brody at Winston & Strawn and submitted a friend-of-the-court brief to the state Supreme Court together with the National Association of Social Workers and its Illinois chapter, the Children and Family Justice Center at Northwestern University School of Law and the ACLU of Illinois.

A Lesson from My Best Friend, Karl Schwartz

2005-01-23T13:02:00.000-08:00

First, some background. The time was during the early part of World War II. In those days men would sit on the front porch and talk while the women got the food ready to feed the gathering. Most of the time they wanted to keep their hands busy, so they’d go over to a tree and break off a twig, take out their pocketknives, and shave the bark off of the twigs. When they got one twig shaved they would go get another one. I wanted to be like the men so I asked my dad for a pocketknife. Knives were part of my dad’s everyday life at work; he was a meat cutter for Safeway. He sure knew how to sharpen knives and kept even his pocketknife sharp enough to shave hair off his arms. He said, “A sharp knife is less dangerous than a dull knife.” Not very long after my request, Dad showed me a pocketknife, opened it up, sharpened it, closed it, and handed it to me. I doubt that many parents then--and even fewer today--would give a third-grader a knife.

Back to Karl’s lesson in tolerance. It was summertime and he and I had walked down to Washington Park. We had the whole park to ourselves. We were on swings and I was pretending on the downswing that I was diving a fighter plane and machine-gunning the enemy. I thought about my knife and said to Karl, “If there were a German here, I’d kill him with my knife!” Karl answered, “I’m a German; do you want to kill me?” I answered, “No--a Jap then.” I didn’t realize then that his family had friends who came from Japan and I would get to know them a little bit and like them.

Two Big Hats: Religion and Politics

2005-01-21T21:16:00.000-08:00

Warning: change of metaphor!

Today I am making something different by mixing religion and politics and adding just two gay items like a spice. Actually, I had nothing to do with either the mixing or the cooking. It’s like I went to the bakery and bought it, but I do want to share it with you and hope you’ll like it. If it starts to make you sick, don’t eat any more, but please do come back often and maybe next time you will like what I serve. The author is both a pastor and a professor of rhetoric. He is trying to convince you, not be nice.

Dr. Robin Meyers
Oklahoma University Peace Rally
November 14, 2004

As some of you know, I am minister of Mayflower Congregational Church in Oklahoma City, an Open and Affirming, Peace and Justice church in northwest Oklahoma City, and professor of Rhetoric at Oklahoma City University. But you would most likely have encountered me on the pages of the Oklahoma Gazette, where I have been a columnist for six years, and hold the record for the most number of angry letters to the editor.

Tonight, I join ranks of those who are angry, because I have watched as the faith I love has been taken over by fundamentalists who claim to speak for Jesus, but whose actions are anything but Christian. We’ve heard a lot lately about so-called “moral values” as having swung the election to President Bush. Well, I’m a great believer in moral values, but we need to have a discussion, all over this country, about exactly what constitutes a moral value--I mean what are we talking about?

Because we don’t get to make them up as we go along, especially not if we are people of faith. We have an inherited tradition of what is right and wrong, and moral is as moral does. Let me give you just a few of the reasons why I take issue with those in power who claim moral values are on their side:

When you start a war on false pretenses, and then act as if your deceptions are justified because you are doing God’s will, and that your critics are either unpatriotic or lacking in faith, there are some of us who have given our lives to teaching and preaching the faith who believe that this is not only not moral, but immoral.

When you live in a country that has established international rules for waging a just war, build the United Nations on your own soil to enforce them, and then arrogantly break the very rules you set down for the rest of the world, you are doing something immoral.

When you claim that Jesus is the Lord of your life, and yet fail to acknowledge that your policies ignore his essential teaching, or turn them on their head (you know, Sermon on the Mount stuff like that we must never return violence for violence and that those who live by the sword will die by the sword), you are doing something immoral.

When you act as if the lives of Iraqi civilians are not as important as the lives of American soldiers, and refuse to even count them, you are doing something immoral.

When you find a way to avoid combat in Vietnam, and then question the patriotism of someone who volunteered to fight, and came home a hero, you are doing something immoral.

When you ignore the fundamental teachings of the gospel, which says that the way the strong treat the weak is the ultimate ethical test, by giving tax breaks to the wealthiest among us so the strong will get stronger and the weak will get weaker, you are doing something immoral.

When you wink at the torture of prisoners, and deprive so-called “enemy combatants” of the rules of the Geneva Convention, which your own country helped to establish and insists that other countries follow, you are doing something immoral.

When you claim that the world can be divided up into the good guys and the evil doers, slice up your own nation into those who are with you, or with the terrorists--and then launch a war which enriches your own friends and seizes control of the oil to which we are addicted, instead of helping us to kick the habit, you are doing something immoral.

When you fail to veto a single spending bill, but ask us to pay for a war with no exit strategy and no end in sight, creating an enormous deficit that hangs like a great millstone around the necks of our children, you are doing something immoral.

When you cause most of the rest of the world to hate a country that was once the most loved country in the world, and act like it doesn’t matter what others think of us, only what God thinks of you, you have done something immoral.

When you use hatred of homosexuals as a wedge issue to turn out record numbers of evangelical voters, and use the Constitution as a tool of discrimination, you are doing something immoral.

When you favor the death penalty, and yet claim to be a follower of Jesus, who said an eye for an eye was the old way, not the way of the kingdom, you are doing something immoral.

When you dismantle countless environmental laws designed to protect the earth which is God’s gift to us all, so that the corporations that bought you and paid for your favors will make higher profits while our children breathe dirty air and live in a toxic world, you have done something immoral. The earth belongs to the Lord, not Halliburton.

When you claim that our God is bigger than their God, and that our killing is righteous, while theirs is evil, we have begun to resemble the enemy we claim to be fighting, and that is immoral. We have met the enemy, and the enemy is us.

When you tell people that you intend to run and govern as a “compassionate conservative,” using the word which is the essence of all religious faith--compassion--and then show no compassion for anyone who disagrees with you, and no patience with those who cry to you for help, you are doing something immoral.

When you talk about Jesus constantly, who was a healer of the sick, but do nothing to make sure that anyone who is sick can go to see a doctor, even if she doesn’t have a penny in her pocket, you are doing something immoral.

When you put judges on the bench who are racist, and will set women back a hundred years, and when you surround yourself with preachers who say gays ought to be killed, you are doing something immoral.

I’m tired of people thinking that because I’m a Christian, I must be a supporter of President Bush, or that because I favor civil rights and gay rights I must not be a person of faith. I’m tired of people saying that I can’t support the troops but oppose the war--I heard that when I was your age, when the Vietnam War was raging. We knew that that war was wrong, and you know that this war is wrong--the only question is how many people are going to die before these make-believe Christians are removed from power?

This country is bankrupt. The war is morally bankrupt. The claim of this administration to be Christian is bankrupt. And the only people who can turn things around are people like you--young people who are just beginning to wake up to what is happening to them. It’s your country to take back. It’s your faith to take back. It’s your future to take back.

Don’t be afraid to speak out. Don’t back down when your friends begin to tell you that the cause is righteous and that the flag should be wrapped around the cross, while the rest of us keep our mouths shut. Real Christians take chances for peace. So do real Jews, and real Muslims, and real Hindus, and real Buddhists--so do all the faith traditions of the world at their heart believe one thing: life is precious. Every human being is precious.

Arrogance is the opposite of faith. Greed is the opposite of charity. And believing that one has never made a mistake is the mark of a deluded man, not a man of faith. And war--war is the greatest failure of the human race--and thus the greatest failure of faith.

There’s an old rock and roll song, whose lyrics say it all: War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. And what is the dream of the prophets? That we should study war no more, that we should beat our swords into plowshares and our spears into pruning hooks. Who would Jesus bomb, indeed? How many wars does it take to know that too many people have died? What if they gave a war and nobody came? Maybe one day we will find out.

Time to march again my friends. Time to commit acts of civil disobedience. Time to sing, and to pray, and refuse to participate in the madness. My generation finally stopped a tragic war. You can, too!

Lessons in Tolerance

2005-01-20T11:35:00.000-08:00

I suppose that it was in the fall before my third birthday that my mother took me to Doctor Ingram, our family doctor, to see about my asthma. He told my mother that I might not live through a winter in Walla Walla. My Uncle Ancil worked for the Union Pacific Railroad. He could get a pass so that his wife, my Aunt Amelia, could accompany my mother and me down to San Diego, California. I imagine Aunt Amelia saw the two of us settled in a lodge up in the hills above San Diego and then came back to Walla Walla.

I wouldn’t have much of any memory of our stay there, except that Mother would tell me stories about it. Mother worked in the lodge kitchen when needed, which reduced the room and board costs. I was born in 1934 and had my third birthday there at the lodge, so that would be about 1937, and I believe that money was still tight after the Depression.

It was there at the lodge that I had my first lesson about tolerance and I took to it like a duck to water. There was only one other child up there at the lodge; she was the daughter of the combination waiter, groundskeeper, and general handyman. He, his wife, and daughter were black people. I don’t know how we played, just that we played together and liked it.

I have a black and white photograph of the two of us, and we seem to be about the same age.

After we returned to Walla Walla, my mom corresponded for several years with some of the women who had been at the lodge when we were there. That’s how we learned that Janice grew up and became an RN. I keep that photo of us on our fridge, held on with a magnet of course. When I look at that picture I always wish there was some way to find out more about her life--if she’s still alive and such things.

I’m 70 and coming up to 71 very fast. That will happen on next April 2. Yes, I was almost born on April Fool’s Day. I’m surprised that I called my mother Mom in the beginning of the paragraph above. She wanted to be called Mother. I think that was because my father may have called his mother Mom, and the two women didn’t get along some of the time. When my mother got really angry with Grandma Marshall, she would go down in the basement and bust up some of the large hunks of coal so that they would fit into the furnace. That would vent her anger.

There will be more “Lessons in Tolerance,” some probably next time.

Political Hat, Gay Shoes

2005-01-19T01:04:00.000-08:00

In my first posting I recommended several books, mainly thinking that some of you reading them might want to further gay rights because you have a sense of justice, and maybe you have gay and/or lesbian friends and want to understand them better. However, if you are gay, you also might find some very interesting and important things in them. One example is that almost all same-sex couples should have wills, preferably written for you by a gay/lesbian-friendly lawyer. There are some horror stories about some parents, even if they have had no contact for years with their gay offspring, suddenly wanting to claim some or all of what the partners have accumulated over the years. Some states might want to get in a claim or two also. Who gets to make medical decisions for the one who is dying? Who gets to make funeral arrangements and burial choices?

Don’t put it off because you’re both in your prime, because accidents do happen!

Also, in “Human Worth” I quoted the Bible, and some of you with same-sex orientation may have had bad experiences with churches. But there are some gay-friendly churches, including some perhaps gay-friendly breakoff parts of some churches that are not universally same-sex friendly.

I hope I won’t further irritate you by posting some information about the Reconciling Congregation Program of the United Methodist Church. The listing also mentions some other gay-friendly religious organizations you might like to know about.

RECONCILING CONGREGATION PROGRAM:
HISTORICAL INTRODUCTION

The beginning of Reconciling Congregation Program (RCP) happened during 1982-1983. Some members of Affirmation, an organization of United Methodists for lesbian, gay, and bisexual concerns, began to talk about forming a grass-roots movement for change on lesbian and gay issues in The United Methodist Church. The Presbyterian Church had started a movement called the More Light Program, which was seen as a model to follow. At the meeting of Affirmation in Spring 1983, a working group was assigned to develop a plan. In Fall 1983, Affirmation developed a new plan called the Reconciling Congregation Program. Mark Bowman and Beth Richardson agreed to serve as volunteer co- coordinators of the program. During the next months, the first brochure and a paper, "How to Become a Reconciling Congregation," were developed.

RCP was publicly launched during the General Conference of The United Methodist Church that was held in May 1984. The morning after the conference voted to deny ordination/appointment to so-called "self-avowed practicing homosexuals," several friends of Affirmation gathered outside the conference meeting hall to pass out Reconciling Congregation Program brochures to delegates and visitors. Shortly after General Conference was over, two congregations voted to become Reconciling Congregations--Washington Square United Methodist Church in New York City and Wesley United Methodist Church in Fresno, CA.

PURPOSE
RCP has a three-fold purpose: 1) to strengthen local churches by helping them consider justice and ministry issues arising from the involvement of gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals.

2) to support local churches who are willing to be visible servant churches in ministry to and with lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals.

3) to identify local churches where lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals are welcomed as full participants in the Body of Christ.

Reconciling Congregations are local churches which accept lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and their families; attempt to heal the gulf between The United Methodist Church and its lesbian, gay, and bisexual members; and minister to and with lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. To be in ministry to and with lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals involves an attitude of sensitivity and openness to the gifts and graces of each person in the Body of Christ. It requires an understanding that teaching and learning are a two-way process of mutual listening and understanding.

While RCP centers on the church's ministry with lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals, it is intended that a Reconciling Congregation reach out to all persons who may be alienated from the church. The program does not intend to single out ministries with lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals as more significant than ministries with persons separated from the church because of racism, sexism, or classism. However, it is our situation in the United States that today gay men, lesbian women, and bisexuals face the most blatant discrimination within the church.

BECOMING A RECONCILING CONGREGATION
The process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation will vary with each local church, according to its history and context. In general, a local church:

1) Undertakes study, discussion, and prayer leading to the explicit, intentional, and public inclusion of lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals in its life and ministry.

2) Writes a statement of reconciliation and registers it with the national Reconciling Program office in Chicago.

3) Incorporates ministries to and with lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals into the general ministries of the local church.

4) Supports the program nationally through gifts of visibility, financial resources, and participation.

PREPARATION
Two important points to remember as you prepare to enter the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation are:

1) The process a local church goes through is as important as the goal of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. The Reconciling Congregation Program provides local churches the opportunity to become involved in a crucial issue of social and biblical justice. Although the goal of becoming a Reconciling Congregation is important, also important is the church's experience of struggling with the concerns of lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals and other arenas of human sexuality. Transforming change happens in individuals through such dialogue.

2) It is crucial to establish a support network before entering the process. Due to the potentially emotional nature of issues relating to human sexuality, develop a support network for yourselves as advocates and for any lesbian, gay, and bisexual members who may be affected by the actions of your local church. As you develop this support network, expect a variety of responses from persons in your congregation. Some will be affirmative, but some will be very negative or homophobic ("full of fear of homosexuality"). As part of the reconciling stance, be prepared to respond to such painful remarks in a caring and healing tone. You may want to role-play such an exchange within the support group. Have others observe and offer suggestions. Talk about your feelings. Feelings are a real part of the situation.

The Reconciling Congregation Program is a movement of churches and individuals who are working for the full inclusion of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people in our denomination. A number of denominations such as the United Church of Christ, Disciples of Christ, The Presbyterian Church, USA, the Evangelical Lutheran Church, and the Unitarian/Universalist Church have similar programs by different names such as "Open and Affirming" and "More Light." The United Methodist program, UCCs, Presbyterians, and ECLA publish a quarterly journal called "Open Hands."

Our movement encourages churches to educate themselves about human sexuality, homophobia, and heterosexism and invites them to become Reconciling Congregations. We encourage open dialogue in the congregations--not one side trying to force another side to its thinking (even if we agree with one of the sides). This is a part of the "reconciliation" aspect. Reconciliation also must include justice. We can't be truly reconciled unless there is justice for all.

No Smoking

2005-01-12T11:36:00.000-08:00

New research concludes that children exposed to secondhand smoke had lower standardized test scores in reading, math, and problem-solving, USA Today reported Jan. 3.

The study, led by Kimberly Yolton, a researcher at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center in Ohio, included 4,400 children. Exposure to secondhand smoke was determined by testing for cotinine, a byproduct of nicotine in the blood.

Researchers determined that children exposed to the least amount of secondhand smoke scored an average of seven points higher in standardized math and reading tests, compared to children exposed to high levels of smoke. Children with the lowest environmental tobacco exposure also scored better on two types of reasoning tests.

The findings are in line with earlier research that found that tobacco exposure seemed to be related to impaired intellectual development.

The study's findings are published in the January 2005 issue of Environmental Health Perspectives.

What happened? Well, I switched hats on you. Religion isn’t my only interest. As a former Navy Hospital corpsman, retired elementary school teacher, and ex-smoker I was interested in the above article and thought you might be too. Besides, you may be ready for a switch in topic. I do hope to keep some of you coming back! I would like to suggest that you don’t smoke in the house if there are children in the house. If you live in a cold climate and can afford it maybe you could designate a small room in your house as your smoking room and add a fan to blow the smoke outside and away from your house.

I hear that it takes most people an average of six tries before they actually quit smoking. I don’t know how many times I tried before I actually made it, but at first I didn’t tell anyone for fear I would not make it. In my opinion you should get a lot of your friends to ask you about how you are doing and support you. In my case it also didn’t hurt for me to know that quite a few of them were also praying for me. There was no direct divine intervention; I still had to be stubborn and keep on keeping on.

Another suggestion is for you to figure out how long a carton of cigarettes lasted for you and keep a record of how much money you’re saving and be miserly about it. Are there any stop-smoking clinics or such in your area? Some hospitals have stop-smoking programs, some of which might be low cost or even free. Quit smoking, but don’t quit quitting. By the way, have you noticed that this blog site has given you a way to make comments?

Human Worth

2005-01-01T21:51:00.000-08:00

I found this quote among some notes that I must have made some time ago. It probably came from somewhere on the Web:

"Do not regret growing older; it is a privilege denied to many!"

I think that I'll get some scrap cardboard and make a sign of the above to place here in my home office. If I read that a lot, maybe I won't get as disgusted with myself if I walk from one room into another and think "What did I come in here to get?" Or I get up in the morning and want to get dressed for the day in a hurry, and I get my clothes tangled up or get a T-shirt on with the front in back and have to ask my wife to help me. Sometimes we both get a good laugh out of it. At other times the thought crosses my mind: "John, you’re a big pile of worthless shit."

(My computer is trying to tell me that I can't spell "shit"; both times the computer underlined it in red. But I know better. Could it be that the blog master set it to reject naughty words? I will try "feces." I guess that’s more medical and therefore approved. I made my wife come in and look at my computer. Without a witness I don’t think anyone would believe me.)

I had no intention of writing anything humorous! In fact I was going to write about suicide, which is one of the things I want to fight the most! I am well aware that young teenage gay men--especially if they internalize what they hear from society, TV preachers, and/or even their own church’s pastor--are much more likely to kill themselves than the majority of teens are. What a horror, what a waste, and how needless! In my opinion people who hate gays and lesbians or just say hateful things about them, even just foul jokes, may have blood on their hands! I hope to list next time some organizations and even churches that are open and affirming to the whole gamut of same-sex couples, including transgendered people, etc. (I hope the "etc." covers anybody I left out.)

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). There are no exceptions that follow that verse in the Bible.